4 rms river vu

You have to love the way Real Estate agents play fast and loose with the English language. I use the cumbersome phrase “Real Estate agent” rather than “Realtor”, because like the infamous “nuclear”, realtor is impossible to pronounce without the addition of an extra syllable. We all know by now that “priced for your decorating ideas” means they have knocked off some money to compensate for the 1970’s wallpaper and orange counters (I had some of those once), and that “charming antique touches throughout” means “Don’t even think of going to Sears for a new toilet seat. They have to be special ordered at an exorbitant cost or they won’t fit”.


I was somewhat floored by the flyer that was printed up, surely at considerable expense, and tucked into the Grosse Pointe News a while ago. I have already mentioned my dislike of the phrase gourmet kitchen. Here we have “granite kitchen”. I understand what they mean, but somehow granite kitchen is reminiscent of a cave in which Cro-Magnon Man roasted a lump of mastodon flesh. When we move on to architecture, the author of this flyer is on more shaky ground. What in the name of Frank Lloyd Wright is a “Victorian tudor?” Is “Victorian” an adjective, in which case why is it capitalized? What a schizophrenic house this must be. I might be tempted to check it out, but if there is one thing Real Estate agents are good at it is summing up possible buyers, and they would spot immediately that I do not have a spare $975,000.