Dear Jo-Ann Fabrics

A question from my sister-in-law prompted me to bring up an enquiry I had been meaning to make for a long while. Fall is here and your stores are full of flannel. Pretty flannel, flowery flannel, flannel covered in reproductions of SpongeBob SquarePants and Thomas the Tank Engine. Lots and lots of flannel.

So here’s my question: what do you intend me to do with it? The obvious answer would be “make pajamas and night dresses for my grandchildren”. You probably see where this is going. Because I checked out several bolts of flannel, and printed at the end were the words:

FABRIC NOT INTENDED
FOR CHILDREN’S SLEEPWEAR.
Those labels on the bolts are long and all the words could have been written on one line. Don’t you think that grannie just might get confused and read only the bottom line? I am not an investigative reporter for Sixty Minutes, so I didn’t check thoroughly whether all the fabric came from the same or different vendors. I suspect it is from a number of manufacturers and that they are all using the same spacing for their caveat. By coincidence, of course.

Here’s the deal. You have a great deal of purchasing power. Talk to your manufacturers. If the warning is there to satisfy your corporate lawyers (and I suspect it is), give us some statistics about fatalities. Let us make the decision. Don’t allow a rather fuzzy, badly punctuated warning to distance you from legal repercussions without giving us information on flammability issues.

As for Mary Ann: she found a Lanz of Salzburg flannel gown on eBay. “Took a chance and ended up winning the bid for $9.00 plus $4.35 S&H. When it arrives, I'll let you know if it was worth it or not. It was fun, though.” I failed to ask her if the tag said “Nightdress: not intended for children’s sleepwear.”