Continuing My Mission

One of the stated objectives of this blog is to celebrate the absurd, and there is never a shortage of absurd to celebrate. Newspapers are usually good sources of risible tidbits. I regret to say I found some humor recently in a couple of articles from the BBC.

It appears that :

The UK Treasury is facing a £3.5m bill, because of VAT wrongly imposed on a Marks and Spencer teacake, the European Court of Justice (ECJ) has ruled.

Some background: VAT = value added tax, Marks and Spencer is a venerable English (originally Dutch?) store which always had the reputation for selling the Queen her underwear, but now does a roaring trade in food, and teacakes are, well, teacakes. The problem is, are teacakes cakes (and not subject to VAT) or biscuits, on which VAT must be levied? I leave aside the whole question of “cookies” and refer you to the article on the BBC website. It isn’t so much the question of the tax that boggles the mind, it is the fact that the question could not be settled without the participation of the House of Lords and the European Court of Justice.

Should you wish to read the article while nibbling on a teacake, you may want to accompany it with a cup of coffee. That’s if you have a spare £50. I warned you about this disgusting brew last July, but it appears to be catching on. I can’t tell if it has gone up in price as I am totally unable to convert the £600 a pound in the article I quoted to the £324 a kilo in the BBC piece. I certainly believe that £50 a cup is more than I want to pay. Does anyone drink it?

Finally, we move on to another of those ideas on which I heap scorn, but secretly wish I had thought of so that I could be raking in the cash. Remember the taco holders? According to an article from the Cox News Service, the newest accoutrement for a divorce is a “wedding ring coffin.”

Lined with black velvet and covered with a smooth mahogany finish, the miniature wedding ring coffin is just big enough for a wedding band, diamond engagement ring and perhaps a few dried rose petals, tears -- or cheers depending on where you're at on your closure time line.

There’s a metal tag for an appropriate engraving. To quote the president of a divorce support organization, "There's a legal closure to the marriage, and it takes a while for our hearts and souls to catch up. Rituals like these can be very powerful."

And a dumb idea like this can make someone rich.

Phoning It In

“He just phoned it in” is a disparaging way of describing a perfunctory, careless way of performing a task.

I have been reading blogs for many years. I am amazed at the great writers who have set the bar high and kept their standards. I regularly follow links in search of new bloggers and there are many out there who don’t have what it takes. But I would encourage them all, based on the theory that writing can only improve with practice and that putting pen to paper—so to speak—is an exercise that fosters language and meaningful communication.

But now, thanks to Utterz everybody and his brother can literally “phone it in” and instantly create an audio file which can either be heard on the Utterz site or added to an existing blog. And boy, do people ever ramble. I suppose if someone can come up with an NPR-like commentary, I might listen, but I don’t want to hear someone describing a car-ride though Minnesota or some drunken ramblings from a bar. Listen, and see what you think.

Yuk

True to yesterday’s resolution, I was up early, ready to take on the world. First a cup of coffee. Strong coffee. There are lots of family arguments about the strength and quality of coffee, but no-one so far has demanded kopi luwak. (Link courtesy of Arts & Letters Daily.)

Things May Not Be What They Seem

I spent some time on Monday putting up photos of my latest grandson and his siblings on Flickr, only to discover shortly afterwards, thanks to Beth* over at TUS, that I wasn’t doing them justice. I thought Sebastian was a cute baby, but if I had only sent my photos to the miracle-workers here, look what they could have done! So your baby drools? Eliminate the drool. No eyelashes? No problem. Why, they can even add hair should your child unfortunately be bald.

Look at the rest of the samples and see what you think. I know what I think.

*If you are wondering about the title of Beth's June 16 post, that's how the Supreme Court just voted in the case she argued before them recently.

Haute Couture for the Wee Ones

We’ve talked before about the totally inappropriate catalogs that have appeared in my mailbox: perhaps you remember the up-scale athletic outfits or the pricey ersatz Tyrolean haberdashery. Who could forget the sausage casings?

Right now I am looking at another catalog. It is much more up my alley–children’s clothing—but I won’t be buying anything, partly because it is way too expensive. I keep it beside my sewing machine to get ideas for sewing for my grandchildren. That’s probably illegal, so I won’t name the catalog. Their little girls’ dresses are adorable and I have been blessed with four granddaughters, so I can start getting busy for summer. But there is also the matter of eleven grandsons. Cute seersucker rompers don’t do it for nine-year-olds, so I was thumbing through the pages looking for inspiration when I came across these:


In my opinion “white gabardine” and “boys 2-4T” are not words that should ever appear in the same sentence. And when you throw in “dry clean”, I wonder what planet these designers come from. I love my grandsons, and Easter is coming and the Eton Suit (sizes 4-7, zip fly, $106.00) is really lovely, but . . .

It also comes in ivory.

You Can Be Too Rich and Too Thin

While I was gone, Keith was at it again, supplying my name to a totally unsuitable catalog. This one is based in Colorado, and features many outfits with a Tyrolean twist. There’s the “Fritz” jacket, pictured with a blonde in a dirndl (loden top, print cotton skirt, silk (!) apron and cotton dirndl blouse, all for $1,450.) I am rather taken with the “Lukas” jacket, made out of goat suede, a fusion of Rocky Mountain High and "Captain von Trapp shows his metro sexual side".

There are also less ethnic clothes for your après ski enjoyment. I can’t imagine why Keith thinks I may be interested in this outfit. If you click on the photo, you may be able to read the prices: $1,298 for the shirt, $1,615 for the jeans.

And I’ll eat my hat (cowboy hat in mocha or camel, $188) if this model weighs more than 100 pounds. Or maybe the photo was taken by the amazing camera I wrote about earlier.

I could write so much more about the images in this catalog, but I will cease without even mentioning its name. I am sure the perpetrators of this extravaganza employ powerful lawyers. Wearing lederhosen.